omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize