the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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