you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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