I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize