dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Randomize
