after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
