I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize