just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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