Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
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the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
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Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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