we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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