I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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