We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
