I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
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dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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