Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
