Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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