He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
