So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
