NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
