I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
