Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
