Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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