So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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