Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
