it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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