hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
