he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
