well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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