Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
