just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
