Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
