bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
