I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Are my feet made of real feet?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
