Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
