kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
