I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
