How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
