i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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