And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
