is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
