I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
