so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
