I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my poor anus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize