I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
