So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
