uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I cannot find my penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need water and some morals
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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