I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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