A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
