so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
