I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
