Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
