Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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