'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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