you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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