then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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