She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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