That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
