I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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