is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
