When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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