dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
