We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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